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About Varied / Student Emi23/Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 4 Years
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Artist | Student | Varied
United States

I draw. And I also cosplay.
I can sew and am experienced with other arts, like clay and beadwork. So crafting in general is just really fun for me.
I write a lot and I roleplay as well!
◝(ᗒ ᆺ ⊙)◟━☆゚.*・。゚
I mostly draw fanart, but I want to branch out and draw more original characters... so if you ever want to do some character creating with me, I'd totally be up for it!

If you ever would like to contact me, please do message me! c: However, I do have a sleep disorder and feel exhausted often, so it's possible my responses may sometimes be delayed.



winter; liam

Thinking of the upcoming winter every year has this grieving somberness to it ever since his death. It strikes a creeping anxiety to think of winter. It makes me nervous to remember the cold snows that are always so unbearable to me, because of how weak my body is to them, but now comes along a dull and desolate sensation from the memory, that now simultaneously weakens my mind. And that feeling continues to linger no matter how hard I try to shrug it away.

I've cried and screamed, horrible screams that I never knew could escape my own throat.
It's hard to forget emotions like that. Ones that were once so intense they had burst, but now are numbed and accidentally repressed.

I missed him.

I remember it being wet and cold, and the skies were gray. The snow was still upon the ground.
I was wearing my ebony dress and gothic bonnet. Although in my usual dark attire theme, I wanted to dress pretty for him today.
My eyes felt sore and tired.
It's been just a couple days now since we heard the news. How may tears have I cried already? How much longer can my heart possibly take? February 14th, the day of love, had never been as heartbroken as that day in 2015.

When I saw him, my breath hitched. Tears welled into my eyes, once more. There he was, in his casket, adorned with a satin, ivory cloth. His hands placed gently on his abdomen, giving off the illusion of him pleasantly resting.
Somehow it looked so alien. He was almost unreal, or unrecognizable.
His face had a purple tinge. His neck was swollen. I didn't make the connection as to why right away. My subconscious surely knew why, but didn't quite want to admit to herself the truth yet.
I was a fool.

The religious service was nice, but somewhat difficult for me to sit through. It was slightly uncomfortable; the mass was not something I could relate to him with since I never did see him regularly religiously practice, but at least it made the many others who also loved him at ease.
I saw him again, looking just the same as the day before. The same expression. The same resting position. The same casket, with the same elegant, luxurious mock furnishings.
His sister spoke at the podium, and I heard my name as she went through our friends. "Emily, his lifeline." My eyes swelled, and I immediately felt hurt. The reason why I hate myself still lingers today... His lifeline; the girl who he loved, but who still could not save him. The girl who he loved, but who could never return to him mutual endearment. The girl who he loved, but who had hurt him. The girl who he loved, whose fate shared with him seemed to always be complicated and tragic from the very start. The girl who he loved, who still lives.

As we left, I heard a crow on the rooftop, its call echoing across the church's yard, as if mocking me and my hurt realization of he, my beloved best friend, who has left us.

Years later, and I listen to his song. His song entitled, "Winter", a masterpiece for the prodigy of a boy that he always was.
Winter still comes, each year, and I still am tortured by the memories of while he's been gone. I wish I could focus more on remembering him alive.
But winter is cold and dismal, and sometimes still so am I.
A true story. My life. My friend Liam.
I too often think, "i want to go home", when I am already in my house, in my room-- the safest place that I've ever known; the safest place I've ever had, in my entire life.

So it must be, that yet, I still yearn for a place that is much safer.

A place where I'm doing better.
A place where I'm no longer lonesome and lost, and trying to beg for acceptance where it will never be given..

because that would be the place where I had at last found the tenderness I have seeked, and it will now never leave me.

It would be the place where I'm finally okay.
And the place where I discovered I belonged.

The place where I could truly start living.

I want to go home.
You deserve it all. You even deserve the world.
And I'd give it to you if I could.

But I can't, since that's unrealistic, and the world never was mine to begin with...

Because I am the moon.

And the moon cannot give anything beautiful,
for it only consists of the dullest, grayest dust.

But I'd still give you all of it, if you ever wanted.

I'd give you every grain of sand
and every last pitiful pebble.

That's all I have, and I know it's worth nothing.

It can never compare to how sparkling and radiant you appear to me.
Because you're the most beautiful and brightest star I ever saw shoot across my dark sky.

And I'd do anything to keep your light shining.

Though I still always think of how much I want to give you the world that you so rightfully deserve.

If only I could give you something as remarkable as you are.

But I know I'm bland.
I know I'm plain.
And boring.
I wish I was of more worth.

I stare at you in awe. You're amazing.
I want everything in the universe to know you're here.
And I am so proud,
so lucky,
so honored,
to ever be by your side.

I don't understand why you chose me. Maybe I never will.
But I am forever thankful.
And I will prove that, and show to you your worth.
I want to be just as important to you as you are important to me.. I hope someday my wish comes true.

I will continue to give you my heart without asking for too much from you in return.
I do not ever want to hinder you or hold you back.
I never want to bring negativity to your being-- that is something that I cannot ever allow.

I only want to gently push you forward and admire your success... You already make me so proud.
Please, be happy. Smile. Just smile. No matter what. Because someone loves you.

My heart may be in pieces and my soul may be weak; my very being trembles in your wake, but the love I endlessly muster up for you is incredibly strong.

Don't forget. Don't ever forget. Someone adores you.
You. That's you, not anyone else. Okay?

Don't ever change yourself. You're wonderful just the way you are.

So smile for me.
I want to see you have the world.
Because you deserve it.



Add a Comment:
Shurimine Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2017
Happy Birthday!
Shurimine Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2017
Ah! Thank you for watching me!
Frostyoli Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the watch!! Your art style is very nice!
SillyYandere Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2017  Student General Artist
thank you! i think the same of yours c:
SoulSlay0r Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2016
Hi! You really look like Lucy Lawless, why don't you make a Xena cosplay?
Elwenz Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2016
Hello !
Thank you very much for the watch ! Llama Emoji-05 (Flower Sparkles) [V1]
SillyYandere Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2016  Student General Artist
>u< yes, of course! you're welcome!
Ririna-chan Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2016
Thank you for watching me by Rinabell
SillyYandere Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2016  Student General Artist
You're very welcome! I love your shiny coloring!! <33
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